....9 items or less

Am feeling mighty super. This is additively wrong. Am looking at the mirror and I like what I see. The radiant figure behind me is….eehhh..ok, I have already forgotten the name, well which is presumably natural considering what she has put me through. Then, there is this feeling of guilt. What will Chalo think of me when he sees me. Predicament. There I go again rambling, on, and on. Well, my beloved sister is getting married on the 16^th of April, this Saturday. Given the craziness and the out-of-hand-ness of how my weeks have deteriorated to, I decided to pass by my pals Barber shop, Nick (p.s. Your place rocks)..and get my hair ‘did’..which is ironic coz I haven’t got none.

So I step in and Nick aint around, but this lovely flower is, and how can I put it without coming off a tad bit sexist..she was HOT. So, Nick isn’t around and…uuuuh..can’t seem to remember her name..from here henceforth, we shall refer to her as “Aurora”..so Aurora offers to cut it. I would have been a complete idiot if I’d said no. She is terribly good and dexterous with the shaver..i swear, I felt places in my head I never thought existed. She worked slow at first, maneuvering the instrument around my mango shaped head… a cute mango I might add…and she did it with such finesse. “Wow, Chalo has never done this..and that..”, I kept thinking to myself as she did her magic. Now am at the sink-thingi and she is giving me a scalp massage, aiiiyayyaai…I almost want to speak Spanish. Afterwords, the scented scalp oils, the designer after-shave, I am a King.

It’s all over..and I cant wait for my hair to grow back..that’s all am saying :-].

I tell you, if you have been on Kenyan roads, especially now when fuel is gold, and you are forced to take a matatu, you see the craziest stuff. Kenyans be crazy. You are bound to get personality clashes now and then, and the unfortunate instances of sitting next to this guy who has baptized your shoulder as his bed. And the occasional “loose canon” type who passes of gas and pretends like it aint him..and you are the only two people on the seat. That’s just Nasty. So today, this matatu guy cuts in front of this saloon and almost pushes him off the road. Bad mistake. The saloon car finds its way and they are driving neck to neck, and the passenger on the saloon car is exchanging profanities with the driver. They are evenly matched in matters of hurling insults and now they escalate to exchanging slaps..this is not something you can do easily when you are doing about 100 km/hour. Sick.

“9 items or less” . the sign is clear and placed strategically above the till. So why is this lady in front of me carrying stuff in her trolly that my 2 year old niece can tell are more than “9” items. And she is so oblivious..mellowing in her ignorance up until she reaches the till and the guy there is trying to conjure up words to politely tell her that she has more items than required…he couldn’t. So the people behind in the queue could only resound the anger with clicks and grunts. HEHEHE Kenyans. But we are all like that. We always want to put through 11 items on a “9 items or less” tills of life.